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It’s that time of year.

Halloween, when kids ingest several pounds of sugar, take part in pumpkin-carving and ingest several pounds of sugar.  Yes, I mentioned candy twice, but that was intentional, considering my family boys managed to already consume our first batch of candy purchased for trick-or-treaters.

Guess I will be buying more.  Or scanning our pantry for cans of Campbell’s Chunky Soup.  Kids like Steak and Potato, right?  Might weigh those pillowcases down a bit, but hey, I answered my door. Take that, neighbors who turn your lights off and act like you’re not home.

A lot of people love this holiday.  It is the second-highest grossing holiday, after Christmas.  (The average consumer will spend $75 on candy and decorations).  One of my neighbors will go all out with decs, planting a bloody foot in the mulch near her doorstep and giant lit eyeballs bordering the frame of her front door.


I’ll admit it, I ring her doorbell in hopes that she answers very quickly.

And then there are the Scare and Scream factories, those haunted barns where the point is to…well…scream.  An ‘I want my mommy‘ sort of wail.  I don’t like those places.  Don’t like not knowing what is lurking around the corner or feeling as though I’m being followed by a guy whose brains exploded.

It’s appealing, really, but no thank you.

Several years back, I was assigned to broadcast for the radio station at one of these haunted places, more of a mild version that offered a Lights On and Lights Off session for those who brought young children and wanted less of a tortured experience.

Lights ON?  How difficult can that be?  You walk through the blood-soaked scenes, see a few zombified monsters and call it a day.  All with the lights on.  What’s not to like?

One might say the need to CHANGE THEIR PANTS would be sort of a ‘damper’ on the outing.

Yep.  I peed mine.

Worse:  I peed mine while working.

And we’re not done yet.  I peed mine while working during the LIGHTS ON session.

There I stood with my producer who couldn’t stop laughing and I couldn’t stop something else from happening.  I will admit, I was laughing uncontrollably too, as it was one of the funniest moments ever.  Of course, it’s more fun to recall the events of that evening than it was to experience.  My 12-year-old son certainly takes pride in telling his friends’ parents that his pansy of a mom peed her pants and ‘could never handle the scarier stuff‘ as he recently visited a haunted house.

Meanwhile, I’m at home.  Staying dry with the lights ON.

P.S.  Still need a creative Halloween costume for that party this weekend?  Click here for what I wore to a party last week.  It cost me NOTHING.

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/tonyjcase/2172962792/”>Great Beyond</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/cupcakecozy/4062436538/”>hello jenny</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;