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lies

FACT: Moms love their children.

Who else would tolerate this high-stress job which requires patience we don’t have and delivers no paycheck every 2 weeks? Yet, we mothers also know when to keep the peace. We’ve learned it is way easier to tell a little white lie than to listen to our kids melt down in the middle of Target.

And we ALL do it.

If you recognize any of the following peace-keeping mistruths, then you’re one of us: Moms who lie to their kids for good reason. And don’t feel bad. Those who say they don’t are still lying. Which still makes them Moms who lie. Welcome to the club.

1. No, I didn’t throw your school artwork away. Yes, I keep EVERY SINGLE ONE. *wink wink* Truth is, moms keep some for your childhood memory box, and hide the others in the trash by burying them under last night’s nuggets. And if you find them, we claim it was accidental, and ‘only bad moms do that.’

2. Your teeth will fall out. I mean, they could, but not likely considering you didn’t eat THAT much sugar. Just enough that I am worried you won’t settle down at bedtime and possibly keep me from seeing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills over a giant glass of wine.

3. We aren’t reading your social media accounts over your shoulder. Of course we are! We want to know who Sarah is and why she’s LOL-ing at every one of your posts and why she told you ‘Don’t forget about Monday.’ By the way, what IS happening Monday? Most importantly, please remember one thing: If you change your password, you can kiss your account goodbye.

4. It tastes just like chicken. Of course, 9 times out of 10, it tastes nothing like it, but we’ll say anything to get you to try something new. We also like to say it tastes ‘just like Applebees,’ though you never fall for that line either.

5. I wasn’t picked to be a chaperone for the field trip. I’ve chaperoned many trips, but for the love, I can’t do them all. No sane person would survive regular outings with 2nd-graders who pull my hair on the bus and leave me tone-deaf when it’s over. Yes, I chaperone. Just not every one because…darn the luck…I wasn’t selected in the lottery.

6. Maybe your Dad and I need to check the video. No, our home isn’t wired up to surveillance cams, though we’ve settled more than one argument by telling our kids who blamed each other that we will ‘check the cameras.’ We half-expected them to bust-out laughing. Instead, the guilty party came forward. Not sure when we’ll come clean on that one.

7. Mommy didn’t hear you. This has to be the white lie used DAILY by every mother who knows good and well their child is calling for them, but needs a break. Of course, we only play the I-Didn’t-Hear-You-Game at times when it’s clear the kids aren’t in danger or when we know all you want is a fruit-rollup. These are the kids who are clearly breaking the ‘If you need mom, come get me, NO YELLING’ rule. We lie when you’re being lazy.

8. It’s time for bed. Really, it’s a half hour before your slotted bedtime though you don’t know that. And it’s been one of those days. You could certainly use the extra rest. So could your parents. Consider it a win-win for everyone, right?

9. I don’t have a favorite. Truly, moms don’t have favorites. We love you all. We just love the ones who are behaving a little bit more on those days. Not really, but we certainly appreciate that someone is being reasonable and not making us wonder how we are supposed to get through the next 13 years until we ship you off to college.

10. I’m NOT asleep. We say this while trying to pretend-watch Dora the Explorer after you pulled us out of bed at 7 am. We don’t function at this hour, and we’re eventually startled awake by your chanting of ‘Swiper, no Swiping!‘ Please Swiper. Just freaking stop it.

11. Johnny isn’t going, either. Johnny probably IS going, but it’s easier to imply that we’ve talked to his mother and she’s not down with sending him to the all-skate with girl classmates and no parents Friday night. Somehow, a NO from mom seems easier if we piggy-back it with other Mom’s No’s. And then hope you don’t compare stories on Monday morning.

And that’s 11.

Did I miss a lie that you’ve used along the way? Leave a comment…would love to hear it!

photo credit: [ henning ] via photopin cc

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