One year ago today, my father passed away.
A long year, yet I’m grateful for the way my family has stuck together. The one-year mark brings mixed emotions regarding the signficance of the date. It’s the day I lost my dad, yet thankfully it’s the end of the ‘firsts,’ those dreaded occasions we endured without him for the very first time. Many people told us the first year would be the hardest, and they were right. Our family still gathered, celebrated, recognized achievements, and blew out candles, but it wasn’t the same. There is a missing link. It’s like doing a puzzle that you can’t complete, or building a tower and removing the block in the middle.
I look forward to ending what seemed like an impossible year, a year where I viewed life as before and after. The date has been etched in my brain, as in…’that was before dad died, that happened after,’ and when I see August 6th on an old receipt, I can’t help but think, ‘That was when Dad was still here.’ Maybe one day I won’t do that, until then I’ve just grown accustomed to it, kinda like I’ve grown used to instant flashbacks of Dad each time I hear a certain Tim McGraw song on the radio.
It’s certainly been a year of growing, questioning, wondering, reminiscing, and remembering, and with that, I wrote the following list:
Your flat feet
Combing what little hair you had to the side with your fingers
Your call to say that Anderson got a Starbucks
Your walk to Dairy Queen for lunch, yet leaving with an ice cream
Your special recipe for Cheeseball
Your love for tiny glass bottles of Coke
How you never looked at the buttons when using a calculator
When you stated your first and last name to answer your phone
Those trendy brown Skechers
The way your eyes danced when we were all together
The Tootsie Rolls in your pocket
Countless games of Trivial Pursuit
The phone call that morning
Holding my sister’s hand on the way to the hospital
The world standing still
Yet somehow turning the following day.
Remembering you always, Dad…and hoping for new beginnings.